


Give You A Smirk

by huntressartemis



Series: Avengers Text Verse [3]
Category: Black Panther (2018), Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Incredible Hulk (2008)
Genre: Chatting & Messaging, Harley Keener & Peter Parker Friendship, Harley Keener & Peter Parker are Siblings, James "Rhodey" Rhodes is a Good Bro, M/M, Parent Tony Stark, Peter is a Little Shit, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Precious Peter Parker, Sam Wilson is So Done, Sassy Peter, Team Bonding, Team Dynamics, Team as Family, Texting, Tony Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart, but he just doesnt understand that, honestly Tony is such a dad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-29
Updated: 2019-05-29
Packaged: 2020-03-26 14:17:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19007491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/huntressartemis/pseuds/huntressartemis
Summary: Spider Son:excuse me???? tony JR????Spider Son:aM i BeInG rEpLaCeD?????Tony Jr:who tf is this guy?Spider Son:who tf am i?? who tf are you????? ive been tonys kid for years!Tony Jr:yeah well so have i, AND tony and i have a connection so.Or, Harley and Peter don't like to share, Tony is not a father, and Rhodey's excited Tony's finally getting his just desserts.





	Give You A Smirk

**Author's Note:**

> Screennames of characters for reference:  
> Tony – Iron Dad  
> Peter – Spider Son  
> Bucky – Angry Snowflake  
> Steve – Captain Spangles  
> Thor – Hammer Time  
> Loki – Bag of Cats  
> Clint – Katniss  
> Natasha – Itsy Bitsy  
> Rhodey – Sugarplum  
> Shuri – Mini Me  
> T’Challa – Hello Kitty  
> Vision – Grandson  
> Wanda – Scarlet O’Hara  
> Sam – Cooler Bird Name/Pigeon  
> Scott – Proof that Size Matters  
> Bruce - Green Bean  
> Stephen - Harry Potter  
> Harley - Tony Jr  
> Nebula - Blue Meanie 
> 
> OOOKAY so we are now post endgame and I have died, idk about all of yall. so. after evaluating what i've previously written in the text-verse and what i want to do from here on out, i've decided the text-verse officially happens post-endgame
> 
> for those of you who haven't seen endgame yet and want to without spoilers, pls skip this next italicized part: _so this is gonna happen post-endgame but obviously i'm throwing away canonical ending. since the text-verse also takes place in the same AU as my iron dad+spider son family series, i may eventually write an alt ending for endgame for this AU, but for right now i just felt like writing a text-verse work and was trying to figure out how to deal with the updated canon._
> 
> _so. things to know about this AU's post-endgame world: they all fucking lived. i will fight marvel, my children will all be alive. so tony, nat, vision, loki, and cap are all present and in this timeline. also gamora, though i haven't used her yet. also i'm ignoring what the russo brothers did to thor in endgame bc im honestly super pissed about it. i really sincerely feel like they could've made a really interesting, dynamic character if they'd explored thor's depression after everything, but they made a fucking joke out of it and mental illness is not a joke so. i would like to include morgan bc i love her and she's perfection and honestly any offspring of tony and pepper would actually take over the world but idk i haven't decided how i want to work with that yet. but other than that, everything should be pretty much the same. everyone lived, hulk and tony still snapped, thor is not a fucking parody of what depression looks like, and morgan may or may not be around???? idk man. timelines n shit._
> 
>    
> mmkay so that's enough of the explanation + spoilers. now i have a lil question for any of you guys who are reading and have an opinion on the matter. endgame gave me some stony feels, and i was debating making the ship for this series into stark spangled soldier. what do you guys think? would yall prefer it to stay just ironwinter, or do you wanna throw steve in the mix?

_Tuesday, 4:35 p.m._

**Cooler Bird Name:** hey guys, whose kid is hanging out on the communal floor?

 **Captain Spangles:** There's a child in the Tower? There shouldn't be a child in the Tower! People attack us there!

 **Iron Dad:** peters at the tower all the time, cap

 **Captain Spangles:** That's different, he's an Avenger.

 **Spider Son:** hey im not a child!!!!

 **Angry Snowflake:** youre definitely a child, kid.

 **Proof that Size Matters:** wait can we get back to the other thing here? the thing where theres an unknown kid in the tower?

 **Itsy Bitsy:** has the child said anything, sam?

 **Cooler Bird Name:** yeah, he glared at me and said 'what're you looking at, pigeon.' and then petted his gun threateningly. should i be scared? i feel like i should be scared. who tf is this kid?

 **Spider Son:** wait he has a gun??????

 **Iron Dad:** oh fuck thats harley

 **Iron Dad:** it's just a potato gun, chill

 **Cooler Bird Name:** i honestly dont know if that makes me feel better.

_Iron Dad added Harley Keener to the group_

**Iron Dad:** harley has something he wants to say.

 **Harley Keener:** no he doesnt

 **Iron Dad:** harley has something hes going to say because i told him to and if he doesnt he wont get to come to the workshop for a week

 **Harley Keener:** im very sorry i scared you, pigeon. you have my sincerest, most heartfelt, deepest apologies that i frightened you, a literal avenger, with my potato gun

 **Iron Dad:** why do i even bother

 **Cooler Bird Name:** i forgive you, man, but you gotta stop calling me pigeon.

 **Harley Keener:** dad didnt make that part of the agreement, so no i dont

_Harley Keener changed Cooler Bird Name to Pigeon._

**Iron Dad:** you are so grounded

_Iron Dad changed Harley Keener to Eternally Grounded Brat._

_Itsy Bitsy changed Eternally Grounded Brat to Tony Jr._

**Iron Dad:** wtf natashalie????

 **Itsy Bitsy:** tony. come on. building a weapon as an infant, snarky as hell, obnoxious nicknaming? im still not convinced hes not yours biologically.

 **Tony Jr:** okay a) im not an infant, and b) honestly same.

 **Spider Son:** excuse me???? tony JR????

 **Spider Son:** aM i BeInG rEpLaCeD?????

 **Tony Jr:** who tf is this guy?

 **Spider Son:** who tf am i?? who tf are you????? ive been tonys kid for years!

 **Tony Jr:** yeah well so have i, AND tony and i have a connection so.

 **Spider Son:** uhhhh did he build you a super suit to catch bad guys with??? no??? thats what i thought!!! hes MY dad!!!

 **Tony Jr:** did he trust you to let you help repair his armor and then guard it for him until he needed it? no? pretty sure he's MY dad.

 **Iron Dad:** what. what is happening.

 **Spider Son:** i WoNt HeSiTaTe BiTcH!!!!!

 **Iron Dad:** peter! im going to hate myself for this, but i gotta quote cap here - language!

 **Spider Son:** sorry sorry sorry

 **Spider Son:** you're MY dad, right tony?????

 **Tony Jr:** no, youre MY dad, right, mechanic?

 **Iron Dad:** someone??? help???

 **Katniss:** this is SO much better than any of the shit on tv

 **Sugarplum:** hahahahhahhahahaha oh this is perfect. 

**Iron Dad:** platypus??? sugar bear??? sour patch???? pls help???? MIT didnt come with prep courses for how to handle your non-biological children???? and im not really a dad????

 **Sugarplum:** oh no no no, tony, you get to deal with your dramatic sons yourself. also, yeah they did have a course for that. it was called being your roommate.

 **Iron Dad:**...you are all terrible, mean, awful people. i should kick you out of my house, i really should.

 **Itsy Bitsy:** you havent answered their question, iron dad.

 **Spider Son:** yeah dad!!!!

 **Tony Jr:** yeah tony

 **Katniss:** yeah tin man, which son are you father of the year to?

 **Iron Dad:** okay FIRST OF ALL i am not ACTUALLY a father!!!! which is GOOD bc i would be a TERRIBLE father. none of you except capsicle met howard, but trust me, i did not hit the genetic fatherly jackpot

 **Katniss:**...wait is he serious?

 **Sugarplum:** tony, man, youre kidding right?

 **Hammer Time:** THE MAN OF IRON JESTS SURELY!

 **Iron Dad:** uh?? no???? cmon guys most of the time i forget to take care of myself, let alone another person???? thank GOD pete and harley are smart, self sufficient kiddos. im more the cool uncle than the dad type, we all know that!

 **Spider Son:** um no. no, dad, we definitely dont all know that. 

**Tony Jr:** i dont know whether i want to hug you or punch you, dumbass.

 **Tony Jr:** @ tony, not @ spider son.

 **Tony Jr:** i definitely wanna punch spider son.

 **Hammer Time:** YOU ARE A WORTHY FATHER, MAN OF IRON. YOUR OFFSPRING THE CHILD OF SPIDER IS A COURAGEOUS AND STRONG WARRIOR. I HAVE NOT MET YOUR WIELDER OF POTATOES BUT I AM CERTAIN HE IS SIMILARLY FEARSOME IN THE FIELD OF BATTLE.

 **Tony Jr:** whoa whoa whoa i want a cooler name than wielder of potatoes!

 **Spider Son:** heh. fearsome potato wielder.

 **Tony Jr:** like you have room to talk, child of spiders.

 **Spider Son:** uh child of spiders sounds way scarier than wielder of potatoes???

 **Tony Jr:** yeah except for the CHILD part.

 **Iron Dad:** children. youre both fearsome harbingers of doom. now zip it with the bickering.

 **Spider Son:** sorry dad.

 **Tony Jr:** fiiiiine.

 **Iron Dad:** good. now apologize to each other.

 **Tony Jr:** what? seriously?

 **Spider Son:** but dad!!!!!

 **Iron Dad:** nope. apologize. no lab privileges until you do.

 **Spider Son:** im sorry.

 **Tony Jr:** me too.

 **Iron Dad:** for...?

 **Tony Jr:** ugh. this is extortion. for calling spidey names and saying i want to punch him.

 **Spider Son:** for arguing with harley and teasing him about being a potato wielder.

 **Iron Dad:** good job kids. i'll be home in 45-ish minutes and we can fuck around in the lab for a while before dinner if you both want.

 **Spider Son:**!!!! yeeeessss!!!

 **Tony Jr:** hell yeah! i had some ideas for putting reflector panels on the potato gun to give it a stealth mode that i wanted to talk to you about.

 **Spider Son:** why would you wanna give your potato gun stealth mode?

 **Tony Jr:** idk i just think it'd be cool. ive already maximized the FPS, so now im just messing around with it.

 **Spider Son:** ooh you maxed out the FPS? how far can it go? i wonder if you can shoot a potato farther than i can shoot my web slingers.

 **Tony Jr:** we could test it out

 **Spider Son:** hell yeah!!!! what floor are you on?? im on the ground floor of the tower, i can be there in like six seconds!!!

 **Tony Jr:** uhhh whichever one they tell you to when you say youre with tony stark.

 **Spider Son:** be there soon!!!!!

 **Iron Dad:** wait, six seconds? pete you are NOT allowed to scale the side of the tower!

 **Iron Dad:** actually, now that i think about it, its probably not a great idea for the two of you to test shit unless im there to supervise. which is just sad, given my proclivity for blowing things up. but yeah, you two hold off till i get there, kay?

 **Iron Dad:** pete?

 **Iron Dad:** harley?

 **Iron Dad:** guys??????

 **Sugarplum:** awww, you were doing so good tones.

 **Hammer Time:** THE MAN OF IRON IS STILL AN EXCELLENT FATHER, HIS SONS ARE SIMPLY VERY RAMBUNCTIOUS. THEY BEAR THE MARKINGS OF GREATNESS.

 **Katniss:** hahaha stark managed to have TWO difficult children.

 **Iron Dad:** well the joke's on you assclowns for now. with those two together, i give it about twenty minutes before the nice cozy tower youre residing in collapses to the ground.

 **Katniss:**...shit.

 **Pigeon:** uhhhh maybe we should clear the building?

 **Tony Jr:** start flying, pigeon.

**Author's Note:**

> yes the title of this fic is based on mcr lyrics pls dont judge me. i went through a phase, and writing this had 'teenagers scare the living shit outta me' bouncing around in my head :'''')


End file.
